The early years of parenting can be a particularly tense time couples (Photo: Getty Images)

I admire your honesty in recognising the resentment you’re feeling: it’s hard to acknowledge so-called negative emotions, especially when you and your partner have gone through so much to have your longed-for son. We sometimes fall into the trap of expecting emotions to be binary, rather than accepting there is no contradiction in feeling both love and resentment.

I also want to reassure you that having a young child is many things, but easy is rarely one of them. Dhat you’re truly resenting? Is it the loss of the life you had, much as you truly wanted a child? Did you feel more free and perhaps adventurous before your energy, time and sense of self were affected by this dream coming true? Are you feeling like you don’t have any space because of responsibilities? Do you feel excluded, or guilty if your partner is doing the lion’s share of feeding and wake-ups? Do you feel hoodwinked by society as the dream you’ve been yearning for is more complicated than you expected? Does your partner feel resentment?

Do you think part of your feelings towards your partner might be tied up with the fact that there’s no one else for you to take your frustrations out on? Your son is six months old: however exhausted or restricted you feel from parenting, he’s the person you’re – very rightly – least likely to express those emotions towards.

I would recommend you allow the root causes of your frustrations to surface, safe in the knowledge that they do not undermine your love for your son, nor do they suggest that you regret your life choices overall.

As you note, lots of couples feel resentment when they have young children. Do remember: this is completely normal. Resentment stems from the inability to communicate something that is bothering you. It’s much harder to communicate effectively when extremely sleep deprived, with a young child demanding your attention – but it’s not impossible.

Before you talk to your partner, I’d recommend writing down how you’re feeling, or speak to a trustworthy friend or stranger. Let it all out: don’t be concerned with being fair or logical or enraged. The aim of this is to surface all of your emotion and tired, resentful energy. Then, when you can, find space to chat with each other and talk about the resentment that you’re feeling.

By having already aired your emotions privately, your conversation won’t be full of pent up anger, but instead, firmly rooted in reality. You’ll have a chance to explain some of the root causes of resentment for you, and find out whether your partner is feeling similarly.

Suppressing feelings can cause huge tension within a relationship and I’d encourage you to include the resentment you’re feeling in this leg of your journey: acknowledge it, don’t let it fester. You might find some of it evaporates simply by talking about it. But if not, simply speaking it out, resentment won’t be able to control you. This energy is there, showing the pain you’re in at a time you thought would be blissful.

I wonder how familiar the feeling of resentment is to you: if you follow it back beyond your present situation, does it take you to sibling rivalry, or competition with cousins, to feeling controlled as a child? If you felt controlled as a child, this can resurface as a parent when you give over a lot of control to your baby’s immediate needs.

Beyond communicating, I’d also recommend that you consciously make the most of your limited time, giving yourselves a chance to recharge, to try to stop more resentment developing. Also, importantly, some time and space to genuinely switch off. How and when can you give your partner a break? Ask her what she’d want: time with friends, rest, exercise, a massage for tension to leave her body? How can you give yourself some of this too? It might, quite simply, be walking and talking with a friend, or relaxing while watching something guilt free.

Stating both of your needs is helpful; expecting each other to second guess simply doesn’t work and is likely to breed more resentment.

When you do have times of joy and moments of exhausted love, even for a few seconds, acknowledge them – to yourself, and to each other – to make sure you witness them and encourage them to grow.

It can help immensely to have a supportive family or community that you trust to share the burden of parenthood – and sometimes it is a burden and I’d encourage you to acknowledge and admit this, along with the uplifting and joyful sides of parenting.

If you feel that your relationship might be breaking down, then seek professional help together sooner rather than later. This isn’t to find out who’s right and who’s wrong, but to get all of the resentment and judgement out of you in a safe and held place. In couples counselling, a therapist’s client is neither you nor your partner, but the relationship itself. You might find that a safe space in which to learn about yourselves and your triggers and explore better communication is invaluable.

Finally, I’d recommend that you both cut yourselves some slack. You’re going through a difficult and beautiful time. You have chosen each other with whom to walk this sometimes treacherous path of parenthood, and at the moment it might feel like an uphill struggle. But by including the resentment you feel in your relationship, rather than suppressing it, you’ll make more room for joy to grow.