“The most important question for you to answer is where does your guilt stem from?” says Kenny (Photo: Sally Anscombe /Getty Images)

I hear your need to provide for your children, not only giving them a leg-up financially, but much more than that: wanting to open their eyes creatively to the world and open their minds through a good education. It’s clear that you’re a very loving father with their needs at the front of your mind.

The most important question for you to answer is where does your guilt stem from? I don’t mean about your children, or over any specific issue, but as an emotional response in you. I feel a sense of connection and empathy with you, because guilt was ever-present in my life until early adulthood, when I realised that during my upbringing as ‘a good Catholic boy’, guilt and shame ruled my life. I’d feel guilt for having things when others didn’t, guilt for being happy while others in the world were sad: I felt safe with my guilt, otherwise I might be perceived as showing off and cause harm. But it broke my spirit and dampened my self-expression.

Tracing back the source of your guilty feelings will give you an understanding of the root cause of why you feel this emotion so strongly. Examine your guilt, because it’s unlikely to be doing you, or anyone around you, any favours. As soon as you have guilty thoughts or feelings, notice them. Whose voice, or tone, or whose words do you hear? Is it a parent, an aunt, television? Notice that these might not be your words – nor your truth. Getting real about these feelings will put a healthy distance between you and the emotion and in time, it will lose its hold on you.

For me, I had to turn guilty words around: I’d think of sharing goodness and passing goodness on, rather than feel bad for experiencing something positive. This takes practice, but is a positive investment in myself. Addiction to self-criticism is exhausting, and not something to pass onto the next generation. Guilt might have worked as a protection mechanism to keep children safe when they were young, but it’s not necessary as an adult and choosing to set it aside leaves room for freedom that you can use to join your children in exploring the wonders of the world, unencumbered by out-dated negative feelings.

I’m delighted you mention your career in the arts. To me, that says you remain a free spirit with the ability to express yourself. At 38, you’ve got your life ahead of you, should you wish to retrain. But be clear about your motivations, and if you choose to chase more money, be sure to set aside some creative space in your life because it sounds like your disenchantment is with the salary rather than the work. I can’t recommend Richard Bolles’s book What Colour Is Your Parachute? more highly for making informed career decisions, rather than coming from a place of vulnerability.

You could also consider a side income, so you top up your salary without having to give up a role you feel fulfilled by, for example, renting out a room to AirBnB guests or students, renting your parking space, or selling something old or creative online.

You are spot on in the richness of love you give your children. After 30 years of working with men, I’ve noticed that those who were given love and attention when they were growing up seem overall happier and healthier than those only given money or opportunities.

It might be worth writing a list of opportunities and goodness that you are offering your children, and also ask them whether they need more of a hand with anything – or if there’s something they’d especially like to explore or learn more about. You might have gone on safari in person when you were a teenager, but a mix of Sir David Attenborough, parental enthusiasm and the help of an encyclopaedia can seed a lifelong enthusiasm for animals. Inner exploration and nearby adventure might prove as valuable as long-haul flights to wild and wonderful places: remember how different are all of the lenses with which we see the world.

How’s your children’s education going? Do they need special attention in a specific area to help them pass exams, develop their confidence or work at a deeper level in a subject they feel passion for? So much is freely available online, or through school for older students. What do your children like doing? Do they have the freedom to get to know who they really are and how they wish to take part in the world? How do they like to spend quality time with you? How do they enjoy time exploring life with their friends? I would also caution that your guilt over this perceived lack might give your children a slightly skewed view of poverty consciousness.

I hope that in time you’ll be able to see beyond the guilt to see that spending time with your family, enjoying each other’s company, will enrich your family indeed. I respect your need to better provide for your family: sharing your time is doing it in the most meaningful way.